And so, all good things must come to an end. When Valerie and Maddie and I started this blog we were in the stationery business and we were hosting our stationery site with a company that did not allow us to have a blog. We thought a blog off site was better than no blog at all. Since we are no longer in the stationery business the domain name: paper-licious.com makes no sense. We have all decided to strike out on our own- Valerie with Valerie’s Virtual Services.. Maddie with Better In Pink and I’m running my own business- Phaedra Web Design. Each of our business sites has a companion blog to discuss business stuffs, and Valerie and I have decided to keep business and our personal lives a little more separate. If you want to keep tabs on Valerie’s life you should bookmark her new blog: The Lazy Seamstress. And I just purchased my new domain today: www.phaedramarie.com. (Which means there will not be a site worthy to look at for a few days.)

You may also continue to follow my photoblog if you like. I don’t update it as often as I should but I do update!

I’ll pop in here when I finish getting my new blog prettied up to let you know it’s ready. I hope you’ll follow us over to our new digs! Thanks for reading!

And so I thought I should probably pop in here and update anybody who checks on me here at Paper-licous… so yo. I have like massive carpal tunnel right now. It sucks so bad. Since I have to make a living on the computer and working at the computer exacerbates my condition horribly I’m taking a break from all of my favorite net things, like blogging and checking my favorite forums and hitting myspace and stuff so that I can rest my arms and hands in between doing the stuff that pays me. I miss ya’ll. See ya.

I haven’t been writing much, probably due to this and this.

The holidays are over! Yeah! Its a New Year! Double Yeah! The next few weeks are all about getting organized for me. Even if it only stays that way for a minute.

Happy New Year!!

Tomorrow brings with it the last hours of 2007. Woo-freaking-hoo!! I can’t wait to celebrate the years accomplishments and put the disappointments away, with renewed hope for a more prosperous year, both spiritually and financially.

This year has been one of the more dramatic in my life. It started out so exciting, I was having alot of fun and felt very optimistic. I travelled with my best friend to Georgia in January where we had an amazing time together. My parents moved into the house across the street about this time, too. I had some concerns in my life, some uncertainties- and I was exhausted from working crazy hours. But I was happy. I knew good things were happening in my life.

February was pretty unremarkable. I remember being nervous because business was very slow and I wasn’t drawing my usual pay. But I was still optimistic. It wasn’t much into March when my husbands father had a stroke. It was crazy scary, but he was getting better at first - we went to see him in the hospital and he was talking and seemed pretty normal. Just when he was to be released from the hospital he had another stroke and this one took his life. And then life became surreal. And stayed that way.

Just after my father-in-law passed away, family from dad’s side came for their pre-planned vacation. We were forced to mourn out in the bright sunshiny world for a spell. I think it was a saving grace that we had those plans. However, the week after my father-in-laws passing, while on vacation with family, my “business partner” decided she wanted me out. And on my ass I went. I had gotten pretty used to having a regular income and losing that sucked. As did the investment in time and energy I had given the venture to no long term reward. I had put my mind to big business goals for the year, too, so I felt suddenly empty. And of course, my close relationship with my business partner was devastated. I felt defeated, cheated and desperate - and all the time I had to support my husband. Which I’m proud to say I did.

Immediately Valerie and I decided to start our own business. We poured hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars into it. We strategized and went to see a lawyer and opened bank accounts and schmoozed other business owners and I became consumed with creating another opportunity for myself so that I could continue to work from home.

April and most of May are a blur to me now, I remember only suffering and working. Working and suffering. Then, in late May we got a phone call to tell us that Grandma was having some severe abdominal pains and had been rushed to the hospital. She was to have her gall bladder removed. Grandma and I had sat in hospital courtyards waiting for Mom to get out of surgeries so many times that it seemed very odd to be sitting in the courtyard with Mom waiting for Grandma, that day. We were joined by all of the immediate family, like usual. Everyone was a little nervous even though we knew gall bladder surgery wasn’t probably too dangerous, Grandma was in pretty good health and under the regular care of a physician. But she had been pretty sick, recently. And then the same surgeon who has greeted me countless times in the same hospital courtyard, always cheery and optimistic despite having amputated something from my mother- walked in and I knew from the look on his face it was bad. Grandma has cancer. Bad cancer. Probably won’t live to see a chemo treatment cancer. And she didn’t.

The next nineteen days we lived in fear and shock. We visited grandma frequently and did everything we could to make her comfortable. We cringed at every late night phone call. We had a family reunion. We took pictures and whispered loving words and made bad jokes and cried alot. I ran one day, to tell mom some new information about Grandma, fell and badly hurt my foot. This injury is still bothering me to this day. And then we nursed Grandma through her last hours and moments. And then dad had his knee replaced.

From there life was again a blur. Days, weeks, months fell by. I worked alot. On the business I shared with Valerie, and on reviving my personal web design business - long neglected. I helped mom and dad out alot. I immersed myself in my work. It was my escape. I had had enough, I was mentally and emotionally spent. I needed escape. So I did. But it brought no relief, instead only more guilt. Guilt because I was spending money on the business and we weren’t making much back, guilt because I wasn’t spending enough time with the kids, guilt because the hubs had started picking up more responsibilities at home so I could work more, guilt-guilt-guilt.

In August the kids started a new school year. In the first four weeks of school I saw my eldest go from a happy, carefree, eager learner to a troubled, angry, sad and reluctant boy. And from August to November I battled the school. I don’t even have the emotional energy now to tell the story- it’s just so aweful. The situation has since improved dramatically, but I must admit that I fear the fight may resume. Or at least, that I must prepare to do what is necessary for my son, which will mean a huge lifestyle change. Not that I wouldn’t do anything for that blue-eyed-boy. Anything.

In September my eldest child was pre-diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, which is a disorder on the autism spectrum. And so a quest to find out what we can do to help him began. Several months later we are still waiting to be seen by a diagnostician.

In the beginning of November my mother-in-law took our family unit on a week long vacation. We went to Disneyland, Seaworld, the San Diego Zoo, the beach- we ate incredible food and had an incredible time. Gloom, gone. Felt fantastic. I got a chance to think about so many things in my life, and what I might do to improve my sullen attitude. I decided to get to work on those changes as soon as I got home. And I did. And I’m still working. And making good progress, too.

December sucked, mom had her thumb amputated, her second amputation in 2007- and then in mid-December a whole bunch of little inconveniences and a whole lot of pent up frustration collided and I had a mini-nervous breakdown. For the first time in a few years I had a full blown panic attack. I said horrible things and screamed and broke things. I was just so mad! And tired! And mad! And it was exactly what I needed! I have felt 100% better since.

I know I still have mourning to do, and I’m going into 2008 with several uncertainties and many challenges before me yet. But I have so much to be grateful for. My amazing husband, my beautiful children, my best friend, our improved relationships with family. We made some really nice memories together this year. And my web design business is awesome! I’m booked into February right now, with several quotes out for my dates in February and March. I’m doing what I love to do, what I’m good at, from home. I’m even making enough money to pay off some debt and promise a much less financially stressed year ahead.

I’ve set some goals for myself for 2008. Having just come off a year of have-to’s and couldn’t help it’s- I’m reluctant to put too much pressure on myself. So I’ve decided this year’s goals should be feel good goals.

1- Prioritize my health. I feel like crap all the time. I have appointments for the first week of January, I’m starting with a full physical (which I’ve neglected to have for oh, about 3 years) and then I’m going to see a chiropractor and a dentist.

2- Work less and play more. I think we will aim at taking a family day trip one day a month, at least. Instead of 3-4 big jobs a month, I’m going to stick to 1-2 until I can train some more help.

3- Invest in projects that make me happy! Early in ‘08 we’ll be transferring ownership of our much agonized over stationery business to it’s new owner. With best wishes! And then, Valerie and I shall be in business together again. But this time, doing something much closer to our hearts. And with less ambitious ideals. Life’s too short to agonize, this is going to be about us. About doing what we love to do, having fun and sharing our love of life and creativity with others. We look forward to including our friends and family on our project too.

4- Begin homeschooling the children in the fall. The littlest will begin preschool, the middle child 3rd grade, and the eldest 6th.

I love life. It’s shitty sometimes, but I can’t let it get me down. Here’s to 2007! And to making many happy memories in new year ahead! *cheers*

This kills me. Not that I’m that interested, or partial, but you get what you get. This is one chick who should’a thunk.

Boy, Christmas sure happened fast! Here and gone again. Fine by me, although I had alot more fun than I anticipated- dude. My kids got Guitar Hero for Christmas! Stokage!! My fingers are sore as hell today, I played for hours on end yesterday. I’m going to get callouses. But I’m a GUITAR HERO!!! *rats hair and bangs head*

I’m thinking it’s probably a good thing that we didn’t have enough batteries to try out Dance Dance Mania yesterday too. Although that particular game may prove to be good for my health! Looking forward to playing that with the kids. Finally a couple of video games that we can all enjoy. I love technologee.

So yeah- the kids scored, the theme was quality over quantity this year- I was so proud of the fact that I managed to stick to my guns and just do 3 gifts apiece when I realized that this was the first Christmas in history that we didn’t need to throw away about 50 lbs of wrapping paper, boxes and ribbon. I was a little worried, almost feeling guilty, after we wrapped and placed the booty under the tree and it looked so meager. I’ll admit, Christmas at our house is usually a festival of gluttony- I don’t think the kids have ever spent less than an hour unwrapping gifts before! I fretted that the children would be disappointed, but honestly- they seemed happier than ever before. They got exactly what they wanted most and as soon as the gifts were unwrapped they disappeared to the four corners of the house to play, hardly to be seen again.

My favorite moment of the day had to be when the eldest picked up his new fender strat and played me Iron Man. ROCK ON, baby!

So, Christmas is over but New Years cometh- Guitar Hero party at my house!! And right after, the middle child will be eight. And then my brother turns 30! And then, things will settle down for a while again. I’m on vacation until January 7th, and during that time I intend to celebrate life and family and begin crafting a master plan for 2008… some things are going to change around here, and for the better. I spent 2007 “surviving” and I want to be able to say that I lived in ‘08.

Happy New Year!

at this moment delivering presents to children in Siauliai, Lithuania!

Track Santa’s progress as he delivers presents to the children of the world…. click here

Sorry for the myspace repeat- but I thought it time to post something here and I’m at a loss for words. So a stolen myspace bulletin it is!!

1. Will you be looking for a new job?
no

30. One wish for 08?
Happiness, for me & for you.

I don’t know what it is. Honestly.

Winters are hard for me, even in the middle of nearly perpetually mild weather-ed California, I seem to get into a funk this time of year. And it never makes me want to dance. I can’t imagine living somewhere that got actually snowy or rainy for long periods. I would probably curl up and hibernate.

My gifts are wrapped, my tree is up, gingerbread is in the oven. And I’m a super grump. All I want to do is ingest alcoholic eggnog and cry.  But I can’t and I won’t, because its the happiest time of year right? And I’m SMILING, SEE? SEE? There. Whew.

I don’t feel alone, almost everyone I know is having a rough time of it. And its been a rough year. So lets all just relax. Light a fire, spark it up, pour the wine and enjoy the silence. Amen.

I am terrible about eating breakfast. I actually get up and cook breakfast for my husband and kids most days, and don’t actually eat anything myself until mid morning. I just can’t stomach anything other than a cup of tea or four that early. The other night I was doing some experimental baking and came up with a really yummy, not terribly un-nutritious recipe for breakfast cookies:

Winter Fruit Breakfast Cookies

2 Ripe Persimmons, Pulp Only

2 Small Apples, chopped

1 Cup Raisins

1 1/2 Cup Flour

2-2 1/2 Cups Oats

3/4 Cup Sugar

1 Egg

1/2 Stick Butter

1 Tsp Baking Soda

1/2 Tsp Salt

Cinnamon & Cloves to taste

1 Tsp Vanilla

Cream butter, egg, sugar & Vanilla. Stir in fruit. Sift dry ingredients together & add spices. Stir, chill 30 minutes, and drop rounded spoonfuls on a greased cookie sheet. Bake at 350 for 10-12 minutes. Since having cookies without frosting seems sac religious, I made a yummy almond flavored icing to go on top, but they are pretty darn good plain too!